If I asked you what you loved to do, would you be able to tell me?
You know when you're a kid and you have hobbies.
Swimming on Mondays, ballet on Tuesday, netball on Wednesday, art club Thursday and tennis Saturday mornings.
Do you remember all the clubs you would do?
All the things you would try.
And do you remember when that all stopped?
I danced my whole life but all the other stuff started to fall away after about 14.
That’s when the fear started to kick in.
Fear and hormones.
Worrying about not being good enough at something, thinking other people where watching or thought I was silly, not wanting to draw any additional attention to myself.
When I think of the things I stopped doing out of fear of what others thought of me, I want to go back and shake myself.
You know what's really sad about that too, I only grew out of that habit in the last 12 months.
I’ve neglected doing and being who I wanted to be for the best part of 15 years because I was scared about what others would think of me.
‘Others’ sometimes being strangers, people in my Instagram followers who I hadn't spoken to since high school or even worse, men I put on a pedestal and believed where better than me so I had to change myself in an attempt to try and keep them in my life.
What the actual f***?
It blows my mind.
I stopped playing basketball when I was 16 because I didn’t think I was good enough.
I didn’t stop to think about the fact it made me happy.
All that mattered was that I didn’t think I was good enough and other people might think I was shit so it wasn’t worth doing it.
I was a teenager, we all did stupid, awkward, weird-ass things when we were teenagers (If you didn’t then we probably wouldn’t have been friends) I can forgive that.
But being a fully grown woman, still living small, playing it safe, worrying that people didn’t like me… that’s a different story.
What would you start doing now if you didn’t have any fear of what others thought of you?
What hobbies would you start up again?
What clothes would you wear?
What business venture would you chase?
My friend Danielle and I recorded a podcast this week.
We spoke about turning 30 and what it meant to us.
I didn’t have this rebirth when I entered my thirties.
In fact it highlighted even more the unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours I had.
I felt like that same 15 year old awkward teenager a lot of the time - despite having a full CV in competitive industries, qualifications, achievements coming out of my arse (that I couldn't recognise at the time) and doing grown up things like self assessments, paying bills and making shopping lists before going to Aldi.
All of this, and my palms still got sweaty going to new places and I’d make my ex call the curry house to place the order because it made me nervous.
That’s when I realised ‘shit, I'm not going to wake up one day and magically be the woman I want to be’.
If I didn’t start showing up and calling myself out on my bullshit I’d be 40 and still looking through fashion magazines thinking ‘I wish I could wear that’. (I can wear that and so can you btw)
So I did just that.
I wrote down who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do.
And you know what happened?
Those people I'd spent so much time worrying about fell away.
I started to 'wake up' in a way.
New people came into my life.
I started to discover who I really was, what I liked, what I was capable of and what was important to me.
I found my voice.
Don’t get me wrong, my palms still get sweaty from time to time and the ‘Are people going to think I’m cringe?’ question roams around my brain most days.
But I’ve got better and saying ‘That’s ok if they do, my people will align.’
The biggest thing I've learnt over the last year is this; we all deserve to be happy and are deserving of all the things we want and work for.
There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first.
You putting yourself first is a gift to everyone around you because when you are feeling your best self, you can help more people.
Seriously, its pretty magical.
Since I have taken the time to prioritise myself and have started to do the things that are right for me, there's been a direct correlation with how many people I have helped.
It’s the same for you.
Showing up as your authentic self gives others the courage to do the same.
It builds relationships, real connections and it allows us to help each other.
I don’t believe there is a greater job or use of our time than helping others.
That’s become crystal clear to me.
Which is why more than ever I prioritise myself and my needs because this allows me to do more for others.
How can you prioritise yourself this weekend?
What can you do that will move you closer to becoming the person you want to be?
And, is there anything I can help you with?
Keep your eyes peeled on my social media as I have an announcement coming up that will help you do everything I’ve spoken about.
And if you're ready to level up your health, fitness and mindset reply to this email and lets see how we can work together to get you where you want to be – once and for all.
Have a great weekend,
and remember - yes you can.